I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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