I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
