Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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