Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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