I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
