There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize