My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
