You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
