Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
