You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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