I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
