I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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