onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
