if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
