i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
