Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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