Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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