My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
