Farmville is her only friend.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
