Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
