eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
