I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
