He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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