for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize