can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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