ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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