I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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