I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
