Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
