you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
