one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
