New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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