I wish my penis had an off switch
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
