I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
