I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
