Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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