He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize