I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
