Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
