Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dicks are not precious.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
