Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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