If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
