They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
