I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize