My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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