Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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