I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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