just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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