she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize