he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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