well I can't set my house on fire every night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
