We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
