I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
