Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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