Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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