dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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