bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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