She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I enjoy the company of your penis
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