she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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