I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The air was thick with penises
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
