She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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