The best revenge is premature balding
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
