I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
