im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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