he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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