Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
