Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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