Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You can't special order awesome
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
