I'm eating all of the evidence.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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