I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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