Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
