Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
