Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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Do I have a choice?
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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