You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
