erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize