Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
smell my finger.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
