Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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