I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
