Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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