I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
