We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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