Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
