I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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