My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
