Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
