the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
