You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
