i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
