so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
