Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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