Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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