I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
