i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
