I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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