I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize