More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
