I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
