I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
