I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
