....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
