im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
