Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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