I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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