Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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