he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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