So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
