it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this will be a night to untag.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
